Archive for April 28th, 2002

Thoughts from my Grandmother: Burn this Flag, Sonny!

Posted by jetblack on April 28th, 2002

For the first time in a long time, I was able to sit down with my grandmother and mother to dinner over at a restaurant that I love to go eat at: Alicia’s in San Jose, by Route 85. It’s a simple family run Mexican restaurant. Food is good enough to make my grandmother prefer it over her own cooking. Of course, this is to say that she doesn’t cook much. At my house, I do most of the cooking. She loves certain dishes I cook, but not all. This was the first time in two weeks that I got a chance to sit down with my elders and talk to them, other than in passing when I leave for work or come home around dawn every morning. With the move, it’s just been really hectic to spend time with them. Not to mention my hours make them worry.

Anyway, the conversation at dinner turned toward that awful mess back over in Germany, with the school shooting and eighteen people losing their lives. My mother, a schoolteacher, launched into her side of the debate, discussing the Columbine and De Anza incidents. For those not familiarity with the De Anza incident, a guy on campus was setting charges all over the junior college’s campus and had intended to set them off. He got caught before it happened, though, and recently got sentenced to ninety-nine years in prison. Now, as with all conversations centered around current events, at least in my family, they sometimes break down to philosophy. We started getting in on the parental responsibility to the kids who engage in illegal activity. Where were the parents through all of this? But the difference between Columbine and De Anza was mostly about the fact that Columbine is a high school and De Anza is a college. The students of a high school of course fall under the jurisdiction of their parents, but college students are adults by the letter of the law. Even though still students, they’re typically above the age of eighteen and therefore are not really tried as minors. Plus, add into the effect that while he was living at home, there’s really only so much a parent can answer for, with respect for privacy toward their adult child. In my eyes, you can’t really blame the parents of the guy from De Anza, because in theory all his growing up was already done. My mother countered with the accountability of just knowing what’s going on in your house, not simply the invasion of privacy, but in essence, the respect of an adult child has to begin somewhere. This guy abused that trust and respect, in my eyes, and the parents are pretty much blameless.

We talked on further about the parental issues, the need for more involvement. But the conversation turned toward freedoms. I brought up the notion of freedom of expression, because my grandmother said that while she was in Sacramento, they were protesting against Israel bringing arms against the Palestinians. I made the comment that it was their right to protest, that’s why we have the bill of rights. And then we starting talking about flag burning. Now my grandmother is a little on the conservative side, so of course, she took the stance that there should be an amendment banning the burning of the American flag. I, of course, disagreed. In my opinion, erecting an amendment to that end would be in direct conflict with the bill of rights. The freedom to express your dissatisfaction with the government by burning the flag in protest is protected under the first amendment. I’m sure the Supreme Court would throw out any such amendment accordingly. My grandmother went on about how much the flag meant to my grandfather and that he put his life on the line for the flag. I just commented that without any disrespect to my grandfather, he served his country, not a flag. The people within it. The flag is colored cloth and nothing more, a marker for the United States. It’s not a holy artifact and putting it above natural rights was in direct conflict to the founding principles of this nation. The right to freedoms should not abridged for the sake reverence. This is why church and state are separate. For all of their mistakes and errors, the founding fathers were wise in that they knew they did not have all the answers. The amendment process, checks and balances to ensure against overt tyranny… you have to admit that while the system isn’t perfect, it’s the best we can do right now. Personally, I wouldn’t find myself burning a flag. I’m not so inclined and I do hold it in reverence. That’s a personal belief, and one I wouldn’t dare inflict upon others. They have the right to express themselves, and so long as it isn’t an expression in infringing upon the rights of others, who am I to dissuade them? We judge more often than not by personal morals, a judgment that doesn’t work. I have to have a great deal of respect for the legal system and those that work in it every day, for the hard work they have to put into judging based on simply justice. It’s so easy to be swayed by personal values, rather than what is logically correct. There’s a certain dispassion you have to maintain as a judge sitting on a bench. It’s something I envy.

At the end of the conversation, the result was simply to disagree. My grandmother felt one way and I felt the exact opposite. And to be honest, I believe that I am right. I can’t justify that kind of an amendment simply to sleep better at night. Actually, I couldn’t sleep better at night knowing I live in a country that would shred the Constitution based on immorality. Even though such things do go on, I’m sure that in the end, they will be corrected by our judicial system. After all, that’s why we have checks and balances in the first place.

Pass the Word for Mister Lewrie

Posted by jetblack on April 28th, 2002

So, after finishing The King’s Commission, I went straight to the Barnes and Noble website and ordered me up the rest of the damned series. This would be The King’s Privateer, the Gun Ketch, The HMS Cockarel, and The King’s Commander. Oh, and I ordered The French Admiral for my buddy Robert. He is the one who got me reading Dewey Lambdin, so if you’re sick of reading of how much I love this series, blame him.

Fact is, Robert’s sort of introduced me to a whole slew of cool literary shit. First, he let me borrow the first five books of The Brotherhood of War series by W. E. B. Griffin. I read through The Lieutenants, The Captains, and The Majors. I didn’t get a chance to read The Colonels, but later I just bought that huge tri-book edition they put out in hardcover. I’d have to say that the sophomore edition of that series is my favorite, The Captains. Let’s see, then Robert got me reading Griffin’s other series, The Corps. The first two books, Semper Fi and Call to Arms were amazing. They were both page turners, and I ran out to go buy the third and fourth books. Then I did something stupid. I bought the sixth book and they were out of the fifth book, so I’m sitting at home with no fifth installment. Blah. It was then that he introduced The King’s Coat, and I was hooked right then.

Uh, anyway… let’s curb another paragraph about how cool this series is. I seem to be drawn to books about war, the men and women in uniform. I guess that’s why History is my other major and why I’m choosing to specialize in military history. No wait, not just military history, naval military history. With an emphasis on World War II navies. Oh boy. My mother said I couldn’t get more specific if I were to place another emphasis on American riveting techniques used on World War II battleships.

But, here I am, at work and I’ve already finished my book. Also, in the middle of a sixteen hour shift, because the guy before me was up all night and all day working on racking servers. Meanwhile, the alarms are going off around me and they’re all false. Nothing pisses me off more than false alarms. If we have a stupid monitoring system, it should fucking work. I can deal with a false alarm every now and again, but not every five minutes. It kind of devalues the whole system. Catch a clue, you stupid bastards, and stop wasting my time! ARGH.

Okay, I think my fatigue is setting in for the night. I have just a half hour left to my shift and I hope the guy coming on isn’t too terribly late…

Point is, I saw this on another LiveJournal and since I am such a huge Morning Musume fan…


Which member of Morning Musume are you?

But that’s it. No more quizzes ever (unless there’s one I just must do).

Night and Day, Day and Night…

Posted by jetblack on April 28th, 2002

Ten days.

Ten straight days.

Ten straight days of working

Ten straight days of working fourteen hour shifts.

Am I insane? Prior to this week, you couldn’t get me into work on a day off if you told me that people would wither and die if I didn’t. But for some reason, I feel like I’m totally attentive to my work. I’ve been so gung ho and working on stuff, typing furiously and racking machines left and right until my fingernails have all pretty much been ripped up to shit. For clarification, I let my nails grow out and I’ve stopped biting them entirely. So, now, after three months of not biting them, they’ve kind of grown out and I don’t ever want to cut them. I’m so proud! Anyway, while racking, because of the way my nails have grown, they got in the way and some of them tore… so I had to rip the nail sticking up. Now they all look like shit.

I’d have to say that the only thing making working this hard bearable is the people I work with. I’m not talking about my immediate group, although there are two people on my team I love working with, I’m talking about the people in the other departments that I have to interact with. This weekend, my vice president rented walkie-talkies for the departments to use while we got all the desktop/workstations setup. It’s SO much easier to talk on a radio channel than having to remember desk phone extensions. Speedy. Only problem is that everyone else is listening to your conversation, but really, that’s okay. Especially when you just need a location or a small piece of information. But even so, these guys and gals all turn into children sometimes. They were broadcasting the strangest things. I heard Abba singing Dancing Queen, a toilet flushing, three of them singing in the elevator (”I’m coming up…”). I heard 187’s being declared on everything from hard drives to people… I mean, it’s been quite an interesting week of work, to say the very damn least. To say the most, it’s been hilarious to work with these freaks for so far seven days straight. Not to mention, since I work nights, I hadn’t even met most of these guys until this weekend. I’ve worked at PayPal some eight months, now, too. I guess that’s one of the major upsides to working days, though… actual human interaction. We have some pretty talented women and men working for us, and they all have cool personalities. I’ve seen them at their best and their worst… I’m still consider myself to be in good company.

Moving onto a topic of a different nature, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the past. Okay, okay, so I’ve been doing that a lot. Sue me. I think about the past a great deal. There’s a quotation I seem to keep repeating this weekend, because it happens to have wisdom in it and no one seems to pay attention. Those who do not learn from history, are doomed to repeat it. If I don’t think about the past, then I’m doomed to a cyclic future, and life’s too damn short for me to be repeating myself, don’t you think? Anyway, I was sitting in my car this afternoon, picking up Arby’s for dinner and I saw this Hawai’i sticker on the back bumper of this Acura in front of me. My thoughts leapt to that week I spent in Hawai’i with Stephanie and her family. I remember being a total asshole on that trip. I had to close my eyes and shake my head as all that embarrassment came back up. I refused to participate, I went off on long walks by myself, I listened to my Diamond RIO and I stayed out of conversation. What a fucking moron I was back then. I look back and just scream at myself for being so dense. Of course… that was part of the bigger problem of my marriage. I was just too young for the responsibility of it all. I mean, I understood the concept, but I wasn’t quite mature enough to undertake it and see it through. And she just wasn’t about to stick around long enough to wait for me to grow up, and to be honest, I don’t blame her one damn bit. The most I can do is apologize for being such a prick and hope that gives her closure on it. At least, it would give me some closure. I still feel as though that door is left open and I’m trying to make it work. I could deny it, I could misremember or gloss it over and say it was all her fault. It would solve my problem, sure, but then the next relationship I have would be just as fucked up. What would I have learned? Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. I want to learn from the mistakes I made with my marriage and overcome them. I want to grow up and be mature, and treat the other one with as much consideration and love as she gave me. I wish so much that I could go back in time and slap my past self around with a two-by-four and tell him to grow the fuck up and realize what he’s got. The fear that comes with all of this surrounds the possibility that Stephanie was my only shot at that kind of happiness. But, I can’t believe that. I just can’t, for fear of losing hold of the only part of personality I like the most: my optimism. Better days are coming, of course they are. I’m just feeling the embarrassment of times gone by and all the emotions that are interconnected to that…

Before I switch my mood from hopeful to depressed, I am keeping the stiff upper lip. I am over Stephanie. I know that much. I’ve lived apart from her for a year and a half, now. I’ve gotten used to being single again, and I’ve definitely begun to reacquaint myself with the freedom that comes with that. However, I still love her, and I probably always will. I mean, not in the sense that I’m going to be in love with her, just that I gave my heart away and once that’s accomplished, well… you can’t really turn that off like a light switch or anything close to it. It takes a lot of time to climb out of the hole when you fall in love, but loving someone is forever. I’ll probably die still loving her. Right now, it’s faded for sure. Like an ember that has a little life left to it. It will remain in that state, but I wouldn’t take her back if she begged me. Getting over her was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my life. I don’t care to put myself back in that spot again. Time for the future, and all the promise it holds for me.

Night and Day
Written by Cole Porter
Sung by Ol’ Blue Eyes

Night and day, you are the one
Only you ‘neath the moon or under the sun
Whether near to me or far
It’s no matter, darling, where you are
I think of you day and night

Night and day, why is it so
That this longin’ for you follows wherever I go ?
In the roarin’ traffic’s boom
In the silence of my lonely room
I think of you day and night

Night and day, under the hide of me
There’s an oh, such a hungry yearnin’ burnin’ inside of me
And its torment won’t be through
Till you let me spend my life makin’ love to you
Day and night, night and day

What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor?

Posted by jetblack on April 28th, 2002

I’m almost done with the third Alan Lewrie novel, entitled A King’s Commission. I’m trying not to read it too quickly. I’m afraid I’m going to have to say that Dewey Lambdin is Forester’s equal. Lambdin is witty and his writing keeps me wanting more. The character of Alan Lewrie really makes Hornblower look incredibly boring, as I’ve said in the past, but this book sort of drives that point home. Really. I can’t stop raving about how good this book is. If you can, go find The King’s Coat and start at the beginning. More Lambdin books are forthcoming, even. The latest, The King’s Captain just came out a couple of months ago in hardcover. I’m thinking about purchasing it.

Enough about my reading habits for this week. I read my Algebra midterm results online and looks like I got a 92 out of 93, since my professor grades on the curve. So I ended up with an A. No Japanese midterm results, yet, but then my Japanese professor is probably up to her neck in midterms. The math one was done by scantron, so… much easier to grade, I guess. Speaking as a former teacher’s son and aide, scantron GOOD.

As for moving, it’s almost done. We’re settled in, but now we have to clear away all the cardboard boxes, and clean up the NOC for inspection on Sunday afternoon by the Board of Directors and our Senior Vice President. I’ll be on shift for that, so lucky me.

I’ll have more to talk about a little later, but for right now, I’m enjoying the last couple of chapters of A King’s Commission.