I just got off the phone with my youngest sister, who’s living in Texas at an AFB with her husband and three kids. I haven’t really been caught up on the whole drama, so to speak, but I do know that she and my mother have been on the phone almost every night, according to what my grandmother has told me. I’m not being completely insensitive to my sister’s life, but fact is that she tends to not make the most wisest decisions, especially when she’s in a highly agitated emotional state. She called up at around a quarter to nine this morning, in tears and sounding rather depressed. I was actually on my way to the shower, and figured that if she was feeling that glum, I’d have to skip classes this morning entirely. When family’s in trouble, you always drop what you’re doing to lend a hand. That’s the way my family works (of course, not to slight my own sense of duty, but with the way I was feeling, I really didn’t feel like school anyway, so maybe it was just fate or I’m just clinging to any good reason to cut class =P).
She described what was going on, they had a big fight. But this wasn’t the first, and she said that every time they had a big fight, he would leave and go play pool for a while and then come home in the early morning hours. This time, though, she decided she would be the one to leave, so she walked to the mall to cool down. Now, speaking as a former married person, the one thing I’ve learned about the temper of the female is that when they take the time to separate themselves from you for a while, the best thing to do is to use that time to calm down, let them calm down, and then when they come back, have the rational talk. At the point at which tempers are running high, that’s just when the worst decisions are made. And if being with Stephanie taught me anything, it was that when she wanted alone time, you’d best respect it or else a worse fate is in store for you. It’s a lesson that needs learning only once.
Suffice to say, all of this preamble is for the simple fact that he followed her to the mall, with three kids in tow. And she was taken aback, of course, because she respected his alone time, and he decided that he didn’t want the conversation to be over yet. So she decided this morning to divorce him. Her marriage is over (for the moment). Being a rational guy, I asked her pretty point blank, “What are your options right now?” She said she didn’t know, but that she just couldn’t stay there. She wants to move back here with my grandmother and my mother (and me, by the way, since I’m living in what used to be her old room here at the house). I just groaned, thinking about the major-major inconvenience that would come with that. It’s not so much about my inconvenience, but my grandmother’s. She’s old, she’s crotchety (as evidenced by a previous post), and eventually she’s going to rip my sister a new one. Last time she stayed here, she was very close to being kicked out had it no been for her husband showing up with a U-Haul to whisk her away to his new post at Shepard. I think my only saving grace here so far has been the fact that I pay my grandmother rent to offset the costs of the utilities I use and some extra income for her to use as she sees fit. This way, I’m not feeling like I’m taking advantage of her hospitality and such, it’s a sign of respect.
I made her laugh. She put her kids on and I visited with them for a bit, and talked with her some more about what her future holds for her. And then, in the middle of all that, she decided to attack my choices in significant others. She brought up Stephanie, and Marla… she said she didn’t care for either very much, and that I seem to have this attraction to just the worst types of people on the planet. I’m sitting there on the phone, thinking to myself that people in glass houses shouldn’t take to tossing stones. But, then wasn’t the time to bring up her past, she was in need. I still felt put off by that, though. I hate it when people bring up my past and throw it in my face as a gesture of example… it’s damned annoying. I had to bite my tongue from ripping her head off when she started to badmouth Stephanie. Nothing pisses me off more than someone criticizing her in front of me, even if she is a member of family, my sister crossed the line. The people I choose to love are far and few between, and those I make the choice to spend the rest of my life with… my family had better respect that and understand that even now, I still love her. And despite the hurt and the loss of not having her as my wife, that doesn’t go away. Marla stepped on that line once, and I told her to not speak ill of Steph in front of me ever. Speaking ill of Stephanie, in a way, is basically judging my choice. It’s my choice to make, not yours. I’ll thank you to shut the fuck up and accept it, or else you can just not participate in my life. Unless your shit don’t smell and you can walk on water, just shut the fuck up.
But I bit my tongue. I’m venting here, instead.
I have to tell my mom about all of this when she gets home. After that, I’m pretty sure she’s going to ask my grandmother to consider letting her come back to stay with us here. She hasn’t any money and anywhere else to go, really. In the words of the great Koishikawa Miki, “Doshio?” (What do I do?)
1 comment
Ouch. I’m sorry to hear that your sister’s going through the trouble she is. Perhaps what they need is away time. Not a divorce right off, but just some time apart for a while. It’s sad that he couldn’t let her take the time out of the house.. and to bring the kids at that. I know exactly the feeling there, as I’ve been in her shoes.. although I was never married, I had quite a few incidences with my then-fiancee.
Best of luck to your sister with whatever path she takes from here.