Oh, holy crap… I can’t believe it’s June 19th already. And I squandered the opportunity to needle
One Year Ago Today: Turning 30 sucked ass. Mostly because hardly anyone remembered that I was turning thirty in the first place. My friends’ list (with few notable exceptions) sucks it. I started my new job with Shopping.com. Julia and I were one week away from sleeping on the field at (then) SBC Park.
On the Job Front: I worked with Shopping.com for the better part of year thirty, from June (on my birthday, no less) until the following March. I also started handling
What happened?: I made a mistake and I got myself fired. I agreed with the decision because there are times when you genuinely feel like you got screwed and there are times when you know you fucked up. This was one of the latter, and I absolutely hate it when others point fingers, it would be hypocritical of me to not try to exhibit the qualities I value in others. So, I stood up, accepted responsibility for my fuck-up, and then handed over my badge and walked out the front door… and dreaded the response from Julia when I got home like you wouldn’t fucking believe.
Home Front: By June, Julia and I moved back in to my apartment. Todd and Jody moved to a one-bedroom hole downstairs. Mel had already moved out to San Carlos to room with her other friends. So, we had the place to ourselves and still do. It was what he had always wanted to do and for me, I thought it was weird just not having five people living there anymore. But you get used to a lot of things that happen everyday in your life, even if those changes are pretty drastic to begin with. Like getting married. Or having this really hawt chick move in and share a bed with you. You get used to it. Maybe sometimes you take it for granted, but I think that’s part of the relationship.
Marriage: Having been through this maze before, imagine my surprise when I realized that someone done gone and changed the damned thing up while I was out of it back in 2000. Although some of us predicate our understanding of things based on previous experience, I think the one thing we always forget so quickly is that no two people are alike. And while I know it intellectually, I think instinctively there are a lot of things about Julia that throw me for a loop when considering what’s happened in the past. Sometimes, I make poor decisions because I’ve been trying to teach myself to sort of rebehave in a marriage, according to the present circumstances. When you survive a failed marriage and enter into a new one, your radar goes into hyperactive mode; looking for any sign of the relationship breaking down. Or, you might decide to become completely indifferent to the whole idea as a means of protecting yourself from the type of pain you’ve survived in the past. I know that my previous relationships were doomed from the start because I failed to allow my girlfriends the opportunity to get intimate with me. I always kept them at arm’s length with the thin facade of shallow love, all the while knowing that it wasn’t going to last. For those of you who’ve met my wife, I think you guys know that she doesn’t stand for that kind of bullshit. But the difference between her and the those who came before her is the simple fact that she’s the third woman in my life who actually got past the deflector shields and tried to get to know me for me. If you’re wondering who the other two are, that’s what we call a himitsu. And no, Stephanie wasn’t one of them. When all is said and done, we have our ups and downs, but I will say that still am very much in love with Julia.
Creative: With Knight Commander finished and Knightfall halfway done, I felt like I had gotten a lot accomplished with my writing. However, back in May of 2006, I found this old Untitled sitting in my directory that I had forgotten about. When I opened it up, I had started this scene with a character I had a partial sketch for and decided to run with it. What I ended up with was (much to Abbie’s dismay) a ten-part series of shorts called Ex Populus. Of course, I’m never satisfied with ten, so I extended it to 18 later on. Abbie’s not happy with me over this, of course. But then, I think we all know that my attention span with creative things is never focused long enough unless she makes me fly out to her place and then stands over with with a whip, making sure I think about Knight Commander and ONLY Knight Commander. Needless to say, Knight Commander is being worked on right now, and hopefully I’ll send it out for its rounds of beta reading before submitting to an agent. I really want to finish Ex Populus, though. I’m having way too much fun with that series!
Bottom Line: Year thirty was good. I didn’t die. I wonder what happens this year?