Idiosyncratic Bullshit

So what is it about cigarette smoke that I just find very alluring? I have no idea. I was walking back from the student lounge this morning, after eating my breakfast, and I walked through a cloud of smoke that seemed to have made its way over from the smoker’s area to the right of the exit of the student service center. Call me weird, but it just really made me smile. Perhaps it’s just some of the baggage I’m still carrying around from a previous relationship or two. Out of my last three relationships, two of them were smokers, so… I don’t know. You get used to that smell, and maybe there’s some weird psychologically aromatic stimulation there that I was used to. Obviously it’s not an adverse reaction.

Well, once again, I’m back in math class this morning, and it seems to me that yesterday it was like having my brain kick-started. This morning, so far I’ve really been given to doing a lot more mental math than I recall doing in high school. But the mental math I have to constantly double-check given yesterday’s embarrassment. See, yesterday, I was working in a group, and having to weather the whole “He doesn’t know his multiplication table!” ridicule was a little disconcerting. And so the question becomes, if I’m having problems returning to math, why is it that I find sitting here listening to the lecture as being really boring? I feel pretty unchallenged by what’s being discussed, and furthermore, I just feel like my time is just being wasted. I would much rather move on to geometry and get to statistics as quickly as possible so I can transfer to a CSU school and get math over with. There’s no real love lost between me and mathematics. Though, at one point in my life I did find it pretty interesting, it is no longer so.

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