One of the new years’ resolutions I’m going to try and stick to for one year from the Fourth of July is to blog at least once a day (either publicly or privately). So this means that sometimes you’ll see a post from me and sometimes you won’t. This particular resolution will be judged solely by me. But, I guess I should maybe talk a little bit more about what’s been going on lately:
- I recently celebrated my 34th birthday about two weeks ago on the nineteenth. I was very heartened to have a large number of friends show up for the party and we had a lot of fun, into the wee hours of the night and actually on to the next day.
- Shocking News: I managed to stay employed with the same company for more than a year. In fact, on July 7th, I’ll be celebrating Year Two with this company! I haven’t done that since 2002, when I was with PayPal.
- One of my best friends moved up here from Fresno and is now living right next door in his own place.
- Since my last post, we’ve moved into a house, which is infinitely better than an apartment.
- I staffed Fanime in May, which was one of the things I swore I would never do again, but Rob was rather convincing and since Japan-A-Radio was there, it made sense to bring me on to staff.
- I’m playing and managing my company’s softball team. I’m having a lot of fun with it, even though we’re in second-to-last place in our division.
- I’ve lost some weight, but I don’t know how much.
As with every birthday, I use June 19th to set some resolutions for the new year. I took a break from resolutions for my 33rd year, which was a gift to myself. But now that I’m 34, I’ve decided to make some and see how long before I break them. Here they are, in no particular order:
- I am resolved to write a blog post every day for a year. The blog posts can be public or private.
- I am resolved to lose at least 25 pounds this year.
- I am resolved to restart and maintain my sit-up and push-up program for the next six months.
- I am resolved to do cardio three times a week (DDR, swimming, cycling).
- I am resolved to finish writing two novels and ten short stories this year.
- I am resolved to winning National Novel Writing Month for 2010.
- I am resolved to not bite off more than I can chew. My wife knows what that means.
I’m not asking for people to help me with these. I know I have enough self-discipline to carry this out, and I’ll see it through to the end. With my recent softball experience, I’m noticing that my weight has become a hindrance to my performance on the field, and since we’re all going to continue playing over the summer, I want to be able to do more. Besides, pretty soon I’ll be 40 and that’ll be it for me, even for recreational softball leagues… unless I get back down to a manageable size. My wife will help me where I need it, and that’s really all I can ask for.
On a less serious note, I’d like to go to more Giants games. Especially now that Shon’s here full time. We really need to take him up to church so he can worship with me at the Altar of Bonds. Maybe I’ll convert him to my baseball “cult.”
In site news: I upgraded this thing to WP 3.0 — it’s actually pretty awesome.
How’s your summer going?
I’m not sure if you know, but I recently got myself an iPhone 3G. I’ve been pretty impressed with it so far, much to the delight of my wife who has taken full credit for “converting” me to the Apple cult. Lest we not forget that I was running a LinuxPPC server in the late 90s and I did Apple networks at two different schools in the bay area as a volunteer, right? 😉 Or that I have a G4 server sitting in my living room right now. I think she just likes to divide us into Apple and PC people for the arguments that will inevitably ensue over which is better. I’ll give Apple props for hardware, but I’d rather run Windows because the applications are far more useful (to me). Since you can now run Windows on a Mac, I’ll probably be buying a Mac Book Pro and installing Windows on it. 🙂
Anyway, I’ve been having a field day with my iPhone. I’ve downloaded a metric ton of applications for it and one of the cooler aspects of owning this thing is the fact that I have been introduced to Pandora. Where the hell have I been that I’ve not been properly indoctrinated into this thing? I’ve created like six radio stations and I’ve really enjoyed them all. It’s not just being able to listen to your favorite stuff, it’s also being introduced to really good music that’s similar to it. I’ve discovered several new artists that I’ve got to start listening to (as if I really needed more music to listen to, right?), and now I don’t really need to put together playlists for long trips if I don’t want to. The only pity is the fact that Pandora doesn’t really have much in the way of Japanese music… oh well. Not like I’m hurting for vocal jazz or funk, either 😉
If you previously had my phone number, ditch it. It’s no longer valid. If you’re on Facebook or you have my email address, you can retrieve the new one pretty quickly by visiting my profile or sending me an email (as long as I call you friend, of course).
I started work this morning at 7am, which is the earliest I’ve reported for work in a really long time. Usually, I’m in at 10 or later, or working the graveyard shift. It was really weird to wake up at 6am and roll out of bed while Aqua Teen Hunger Force played in the background. I’m covering for a recently fired employee who acted as the case coordinator for the team. We already hired a replacement, but it’s going to take a while for him to get up to speed, and until then, I’m the one answering all the phones. It was crazy busy this morning, too. I was exhausted by 2pm, and I’m already heading for bed so I’m not completely fucked over tomorrow.
In other news, the Giants are about to blow a seven-run lead, and the Tribe toppled the Tigers. Well, at least one of them won.
I wrote this. Take a trip down memory lane, with me, won’t you?
1. Opening Day.
2. The first pitch.
3. Jon and Flemm calling the games.
4. The fog canopy over the ballpark.
5. Driving down Highway 1.
6. Driving on the Golden Gate Bridge and seeing the spires disappear into the fog.
7. The north side of the Gate, watching the city at night for hours.
8. Driving at night.
9. Singing as loud as I can in my car while driving at high speeds.
10. The moment when you heart leaps because you hear the voice or see the face of that special someone.
11. The fact that number ten never goes away.
12. Defeating the intimidating blank white page by putting words on it.
13. Knowing you mean something to someone else.
14. The smell of the grass.
15. Hearing someone scream C’mon Blue at the top of their lungs.
16. The crack of the bat.
17. The smell of the glove.
18. The perfectly executed double play.
19. Closing off the rest of the world and burying myself in a good book I’ve read a million times before.
20. Reading until I can’t see straight.
21. When I put a smile on someone else’s face.
22. Iced tea.
24. Learning at least one new thing every day.
25. Meeting new people.
26. Listening to people talk about themselves.
27. A deep, passionate, soul-touching kiss that lasts an hour and makes you whimper uncontrollably.
29. Laughter in the bedroom.
31. The ocean.
35. Ice cream.
37. Giving affection.
38. Receiving affection.
39. An inside joke that relies on nothing more than a choice phrase.
40. Smiling and not realizing it.
41. Moments of clarity.
42. My sense of humor.
43. Talking to friends on the phone.
44. Wild Cherry Pepsi.
45. A well-made burrito with carne asada.
46. Round Table Pizza.
47. Laughing so hard your sides hurt.
49. Singing because you’re happy.
50. Expressing myself without fear of reprisal.
52. The company of a close friend.
53. Feeling resolute.
55. Easing someone’s pain.
56. When a plan comes together.
58. Writing all day and night.
59. Being hopelessly in love.
60. Intelligent writing.
61. When art moves me to emotional extremes.
62. The moment you step out of the shower.
63. Foreplay that goes on so long that she begs you to finish.
64. A Venti Chocolate Creme Frappucino from Starbucks.
65. Making eye contact while speaking.
66. Inner beauty.
67. The purr of a kitten.
68. Debating intelligently.
69. Diffusing a fight.
70. The taste of a well-prepared steak.
71. Two year old Merlot.
72. Being appreciated.
73. Messing with people.
74. Close friendships.
76. The pursuit of happiness.
77. Sending flowers to the one you love and agonizing over what to put on the card (for three hours).
78. Lightly squeezing someone’s hand while holding it.
79. When they squeeze back.
80. Hotel room service.
81. Valet parking.
82. When someone tells me that they will take care of me.
83. Road trips.
84. Mix tapes/CDs.
85. Having a laptop.
86. Playing a saxophone.
87. Marathons of TV watching, induced by a recently-arrived DVD Box Set.
88. Dorama Night.
89. Extra Inning ballgames.
92. Hair with a hint of red in it.
93. The feel of a suit.
94. Long talks.
95. A modicum of chilvary.
96. The feeling after cleaning something.
97. Cold weather/fog.
98. Good memories.
99. Civil liberties.
100. Hitting it off from the moment you meet.
The funny thing about crushes is that usually, I’ll suppress and dismiss them. Sometimes, they get squashed by perhaps a reality of the personality of the person I’m crushing on. Sometimes, I realize there’s just no way and I’ll defeat myself right then and there. Sometimes, they lead to a close friendship. Rarely do they ever seem to pan out.
I like to think of myself as a straightforward kind of person. I dislike playing mind games. I talk straight and prefer to be up-front about most everything. I play for keeps when my heart is on the line. I prefer inner beauty to outer beauty because looks are transitory. As a possessor of inner beauty only, I understand what’s it like to be dismissed because I’m overweight, so I try my hardest to keep superficial bullshit like looks and weight out of the picture.
As I said, I don’t think of myself as physically attractive in the slightest. What I lack in physical beauty I think I more than make up for in inner beauty, and that being said, whenever I find someone who is remotely interested in me, I can be pretty sure that they’re not interested in me because I look like Brad Pitt (when instead I look like maybe I ate Brad Pitt ;).
Enough with the self-deprecating humor and on to the good stuff.
I was looking for an equal: someone who could keep me on my toes intellectually, someone who could match my passion for some or all of my interests, and someone who had a deep heart.
I found that in (Julia).
We had met when I offered her a ride to ‘s birthday party back in the beginning of June. She was funny, smart, and charming. I doubt then she knew how much I enjoyed talking with her, but when I took her home from the party, I knew then that I wanted to learn more about her. As time went on and we became friends and began hanging out with each other in group situations and not, I started to feel the beginnings of a crush.
One Thursday afternoon, on a whim, I mentioned that I had a lunch break coming up and Julia mentioned she was bored and wanted to do something. I picked her up and we went to Pacifica’s beachfront Italian restaurant overlooking Rockaway Beach. I was in the middle of a particularly shitty-ass week at work, and so that ninety minute conversation and company literally turned my week around. I didn’t realize it then, but after that engaging exchange, I was in deep smit. Luckily, at Tap’s insistance, I invited her to the Friday night game that week at Pac Bell and she accepted. Before the game on Friday, I made a full disclosure to Tap, along with my reservations about her reciprocating my feelings.
Tap suggested that I tell her. I declined, for multiple reasons, including cowardice (which I will readily admit to), but the fact was that Julia is leaving for New York by the end of August/beginning of September. Did I really want to either a) admit my feelings, have her shoot me down and then have the rest of her time her be nothing by angsty bullshit or b) say nothing and have as much fun while she’s here? I chose B, because I’m a chickenshit.
We continued to keep in contact via LJ and AIM, and I was trying my best to keep my flirting to a minimum and my emotions as guarded as possible. Tap suggested that I tell her. I declined, again… because the chickenshit status had not yet changed. Two weeks later, Julia and I made plans to go to the Saturday night game where they were going to reitre Gaylord Perry’s number (36). My work week was sucking, but the light at the end of the tunnel was being at the game with her, and I was looking forward to it so much. Julia had been preoccupying my thoughts for nearly three weeks, now, and I knew then that perhaps it was much more than a simple infatuation… I was starting to recognize certain signs that I’d not felt in a long time; emotions that lay dormant and I thought were going to remain so.
After the game, I asked Julia if she wanted me to take her home, and to my delight, she said no. Instead, I pointed my trusty vehicle toward the Golden Gate Bridge, and we parked at the vista point. I love the vista point over looking the city, but it has a special place in my heart as being the site of where I made my one and only proposal. ALSO, since our “marriage” had been annulled, we had to go through another tollbooth and take the chance of getting remarried by the transit authority of California.
We sat there, by the bay and chatted… listened to the soundtack from Avenue Q that she made me a copy of (<3). The conversation, as it usually does, turned to relationships. I felt myself wanting to tell her everything, but I let the conversation continue without it until she had mentioned that she had been without a relationship in over six years. Six years. I said that I could not beleive that a person as attractive as she would be without a date or someone pursuing her (yeah, she already had one :P), and subsequently I told her that if she weren't moving to NYC, I'd ask her out.
There was some silence in the car, followed by a quiet, "Really?" I said, "Absolutely." And just let it all out. After all, the chickenshit lameass caveat was still in the air, so I had some cover.
More silence. I swear to you, I felt my heart convulsing in my chest. Before I could fill the silence with more chickenshittery, she said that she felt the same way about me and I remember that I wanted to sing because I was so damned happy.
Even though she's moving to New York, and I'm going to be in California, we decided to make the most of the time she has left here. In truth, I'd rather do nothing but be with her every day, but that's not going to be possible, so we'll take as much as we can get. She and I have both expressed a severe dislike of long distance relationships, but in all honesty, I'd be willing to break my resolution for her, because she deserves more than to be a summer fling. No, I'm all in, people. I really am.
I'm in love with Julia, and I'll be around for as long as she'll have me.