You Can’t Go Home Again… Or Can You?

This is going to be somewhat gushy, so feel free to skip if you don’t want to read it. You have been given fair warning, so send your complaints to /dev/null as appropriate.

I’m spending this weekend back at the San Jose apartment. It’s a little weird, being back here after spending nearly three weeks straight in the city. It reminds me of the time I spent a week and a half at Ken’s house almost a decade ago, when both of us were working the same shift at Acer. When I got back to my place, it felt really foreign after becoming so familiar with his place and where everything was… it’s a little bit disorienting. So, here I am, sitting in my old broken down chair… with my laptop in its former place and watching and anime on the big screen. It’s like I never left, if it weren’t for the aforementioned weirdness.

I get this sense that home is what you define it as. I used to think of this apartment as home, but that got changed when I realized that it’s really wherever my heart is… and I’m getting sappy about it, but I don’t care. There are times when I’m walking into Julia’s apartment, and am able to slip my arms around her and realize that I am home. I never really felt that with anyone else, before. In looking back at previous relationships, I think I simply existed. These days, where I am really affect me. I’m strongly feeling her absence right now, and really wish she’d come down here with me. And I know it’s not because I feel insecure about us and I want to make sure she’s with me at all times (an impossibility), it’s more about having her around so I can enjoy her company.

If there was some way to move all my things to where she is and not have to worry about the apartment down here anymore, that would be great. Unfortunately, I need a new job, and we need our own place together. That much is certain, especially since we’ll be married next April. I know we’ve decided to find a place and move in before then.

On another note, it’ll be two months since I confessed my love for Julia on the 23rd of this month. We’re going out on a date the night before, which will involve dinner and dancing out on the bay on one of the Hornblower yachts. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not one to celebrate every thirty days, but I’ll think of something six months out, and then do it yearly. I think it would be nice to have two anniversaries.

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    • deathbytamarind on September 18, 2005 at 10:39

    The date sounds wonderful. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • sweetmegumi on September 18, 2005 at 10:39

    That is beautiful Mike. I feel the same way after leaving S.F. and going back to my apartment. It’s going to feel odd not seeing someone you’re use to seeing all of the time and going back to not seeing them as often.

    And I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older but I’m beginning to want a place called ‘home’ more and more and the desire to have someone share that home as well.

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