I’m as helpless as a kitten in a tree…

I’m engaged to Julia. We’re going to get married.

Those two phrases keep repeating in my head, in spite of this being a dreadful day at work. Right about now the remorse of the decision should be setting in like it did with Stephanie, but it’s not coming. I keep waiting for the fear to set it like it did the first time I got married, but it’s not coming, either. As a matter of fact, in those moments where I keep thinking about it, the happier I seem to be. Even the reprimand I received earlier isn’t pissing me off anymore…

Yes, it all happened so quickly, but to be fair, it still doesn’t feel wrong. And this is coming from someone who swore he’d never get married again, but it’s amazing how much a person can affect you. I think it’s because we seem to always talk late into the night and come to these decisions in the wee hours of the morning that it feels very surreal. But then, during my normal waking hours it all comes back.

The story, as I can recall it in my sleep-deprived haze:

The day before the concert, I ordered daisies to be delivered to her place. She lives on the tenth floor of her apartment building so I felt that bringing flowers would have been problematic since then she would have to go all the way back up to her floor, put them in water, and then come back down. I had FTD deliver the flowers in a vase, so all she had to do was enjoy them. Daisies being her favorite flower, I opted for those instead of roses… I personally love roses, but these flowers weren’t for me. 😛 On Friday, in the middle of the day, I called Julia to get the details and while I was on the phone, the flowers arrived for her and she squee’d. I love her squees. She said the flowers made her happy, and I felt really happy about that. After getting the information from her about times and locations, I began my frantic search for appropriate attire.

I went through four dress shirts and three pairs of pants before settling on my brown shirt and navy blue slacks. I was worried that I would still be underdressed, but I ran out of time to worry about it. I had to put gas in the car and get it up to the city to pick her up. I left a little later than I had wanted, so I floored it all the way up 280 and made it with 30 minutes before 7pm. When she exited her building and got into my car, I was stunned by how beautiful she looked in her skirt. I’m used to seeing her in jeans and a t-shirt (much like my preferred outfit of shorts and t-shirt) and she still looks beautiful in that outfit… the skirt really showed off how sexy her legs are. Julia’s got these perfectly long legs, and as my favorite writer Aaron Sorkin likes to say about long legs, “they go all the way to the floor, my friend.” Ahem. Anyway, I expressed my appreciation for her efforts in a geniune fashion, and she paid me a very kind compliment on my choice in clothing. That made me happy. 🙂

We drove over to the Davies Symphony Hall, to see Chaka Khan perform with the San Francisco Symphony. I’ve never been to this hall before, so it was another cool new experience for me. I love exploring parts of the city, and now I know why Julia wanted to crash the Black and White ball back during BWE. Shit, man, if she was wearing anything like what she was wearing that night, I would’ve rented a tux. Anyway, the hall was beautiful and the symphony was magnificent (made me wish I was still playing sax, even though they don’t have saxes in a symphony), and Chaka Khan was absolutely amazing. She was hot! She sang all her hits, plus the new stuff from her most recent album, ClassiKhan. During the concert, at various times, I got to sort of cuddle with Julia in the seats… which was so nice. After the concert, I was very hungry and she suggested we go to Max’s down on Van Ness. Max’s is really cool, though they had no turkey whatsoever. I wanted a turkey burger, no turkey burgers, sorry. Okay, how about turkey meatloaf? No, there’s no ground turkey for the burgers so no ground turkey for the meatloaf, either. Okay, well shit… bring me a damn steak… medium rare. Julia ordered the beef meatloaf, which they had in stock, apparently. The steak was fucking good, though. Holy crap.

I love going out to eat with Julia. Meals are never uninteresting with her around. 🙂

By the time we got out of the restuarant, we had to triple-time it back to the parking garage before it closed at midnight. It was 23:56 and we were three blocks up and one over from the garage. She was wearing footwear not really conducive toward running down the block, but she managed somehow. I felt bad for my lack of attention to the time, plus the slowness of the waitress who was obviously swamped with after-concert customers. We made it there just as they were closing down the gate, and the guy closing the gate was really nice and let us in to get the car. She didn’t want to go home (yay), so we headed back to Vista Point. Vista Point was beginning to become a historic point, and it would be once more. We pulled up, and I asked her if she wanted to stand out in the cold and admire the view, but she declined, saying she wanted to sit and be warm/talk with me.

At this point, in my mind, this was one of the best first dates in my own personal history of first dates. Lest we not forget that we’d already admitted our feelings to each other following a Giants game… two days later, we spent 27 hours straight. We talked then about soulmates and recognizing them instantly. I’ve always beleived in soulmates. I know I have encountered people who exhibit that kind of kinship with me, but that’s Todd and Robert. I’ve always regarded them as being like my brothers; we share so much in common and we’ve been close friends for over a decade so far. Sometimes, you meet someone and you hit if off right away. It could be a chance meeting someplace… or maybe it happens when you give someone a ride in your car. No mater the circumstance, I was thankful for the chance and recognizing Julia for who she is.

We talked, and during the periods of silence, I would look at her in the soft glow of the lamps at Vista Point, and I would tell her that I really love her. Maybe run a hand across her cheek and into her hair and around her ear. My heart felt like it was about to burst in my chest, and I remember feeling that I could remain like this for the rest of my life. During the dinner, I had said that there were times when I could see us in five years, still together. I had used a little chickenshittery and said that maybe that kind of thinking was a little weird. She said that she thought the same thing. Later, in the car, we talked about the future, including marriage. My mind’s still in a kind of haze, but I’d like to recall that she asked at that time if I’ve ever seen When Harry Met Sally… and I just kind of blinked and emphatetically said “YES!” When Harry met Sally… was the movie I pretty much watched a gazillion times in high school. I thought it was an awesome romantic film. That was when Julia set up the last scene in the movie for me, and quoted Billy Crystal’s line: “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

Okay, so I had this beautiful, intelligent young woman sitting across from me. Not only was she quoting one of my favorite movies back to me, she was also making her point at the same time. I replied by saying that I would love to spend the rest of my life with her. After more silence in the car, following by some caresses… I smiled at her and wondered inside if that was us saying that we wanted to get married. In an attempt to be humorous, I told her, “It seems we decided to get married by quorum; it occurs to me that I never properly asked.” I felt like the moment deserved its due formality. After all, this was a pretty big step we were taking. I couldn’t kneel in the car, so I looked into her eyes and without a doubt in my mind and a heart beating so heavy in my chest I thought I would die, I asked her, “Will you marry me?” I wish I could have taken a picture of the smile she wore on her face when she said, “Yes, I will marry you.”

After that, the rest of the night was spent at Rockaway Beach in Pacifica, with the waves crashing onto the beach serving as the background to passionate kisses and holding each other until the sun rose. I had to return her home, and then zoom back to my apartment for 30 minutes of sleep before reporting for my shift.

I informed my family; they’re all very excited and want to meet Julia. Except my dad… he is out of contact and we’ll have to wait until he touches bases to upload this bit of data to him. I’m sure he’ll be happy, though.

I’m so so so very tired right now.

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