Nevermind that the song Ironic spouts tragedy, not irony.
According to my calculations, yesterday marked the final day of my marriage. One day before Valentine’s. The superior court’s family division should have dissolved that particular domestic union if all went well. To be honest, I have no idea if there was much of a delay on it or not, but I did get the ‘final’ paperwork on Monday, so maybe I was divorced much earlier than I thought. In any case, last night, the boys and I went over to Furusato to have food and sake. Amazingly enough, Todd managed to down a shot or two of hot sake, in between massive draws of Coke into his mouth. The conversation never really touched upon how I was feeling about the whole thing, though I’m not entirely sure it was a subject they wanted to breach that night. The really important thing was that it was the best authentic Japanese food in the Bay Area and I was buying the drinks. Mostly because I wanted to drink to drink, but not because I was feeling depressed about the whole situation.
In looking back over past entires, I’ve lamented over quite a few aspects of that failed relationship. Partly because of the magnitude of the decision I made to pursue it and the subsequent actions which led to the demise were all of my own doing, and in that doing, not realizing how destructive I truly was. And now, in being in another relationship, I’m kind of looking over the whole thing and wondering where exactly do I get off in trying again. To be honest, there are times when I treasure my bachelor status, and then there are times when I don’t. No matter how you slice it, that experience is always going to be a part of me, and there’s nothing really more to say about it other than this: While this is the final curtain, and all the goodbyes have been said long ago, regardless of what happens, I’m still always going to love her for who she is. I’ll hang on to all the good times we did have, all of the good memories, and try to overcome all of the fights and harsh words and actions toward the end. I hope she finds what she’s looking for, and I wish her nothing but happiness in the end.
As for me… it’s finally time to close this door.