10 Things I Would Tell My 18-Year Old Self
1. You are about to experience six years of emotional pain and trauma. Endure it. It’ll make you a better man at 24 than you would have been without it.
2. That Rhea girl you’re seeing now? She doesn’t love you and probably never did. Stop calling her when she tells you that she’s not sure about the relationship. That’s her code for, “I want to break up.” No wait, call her one last time and make sure you tell her that she was the first girl you ever truly loved and then walk away. It’ll save you about eleven years of anxiety and torture from a lack of closure.
3. You will meet and marry a woman named Stephanie in two years, whom you will fall in love with at first sight. It’s okay, she’ll break your heart in a little under four years later, but it’s worth it.
4. Be nicer to Andy’s ex-girlfriend, Julie. You don’t know it, but she has a major crush on you. Ever since you took her to the senior ball. I know you don’t like her in that way, but be considerate of her feelings. In late fall, she’ll meet a guy named Leo who will make her very happy. But until then, it’s going to be rough going for her because she’ll never tell you and start hanging off of every word you say. That’s why she acts a little weird around you. You won’t find this out until about two years later, when you talk with Andy after he joins the Air Force.
5. In fact, drop out of West Valley College right now and transfer to Foothill. Foothill is way better. Tell Todd to do that, too.
6. In the fall of 1994, one of your old friends from the Trek convention circuit, Bree, will ask you to come up and spend the weekend with her. Go ahead and go. Contrary to what her and her friends tell you, do not sleep in her best friend’s bedroom on the second night and do not stay the extra day. Go home like you planned. In fact, if you can leave early on the last day, do so.
7. While you’re working at Egghead Software, Brad is going to be replaced by a manager named Doug. He is a racist asshole and you should feel free to tell him to go fuck himself. Eric is going to hook you up at Acer as a tech support rep within 6 months anyway, at the awesome wage of $10.50 an hour.
8. At Acer, you’re going to meet a guy named Ken Lau who will change your life. Do not act like an ass around him, because eventually he moves to Las Vegas and you’ll never see him again. In the same year, you will meet a guy named Robert who will be your first boss over there. You don’t know it yet, but he’ll be a close friend for years to come.
9. Work on your punctuality problem. It’s going to cause issues for you later in life.
10. Oh, while at Acer, join a fucking gym. Do not eat whole pizzas every night you’re there. You will eventually grow huge and it’ll take forever to get the weight off.