First Log Entry of May

One of the aspects of working in the tech industry, and especially in any twenty-four by seven center is that someone’s got to work weekends. I am that someone. To be honest, even though it means I miss out on fun and my pitiful excuse of a social life suffers, I don’t really care. I like working weekends because having the middle of the week free is important to me. It probably has something to do with the sensation of being able to go out into the world free of obligation or having a limited amount of time to enjoy lunch or the company of a good friend. I envied people who didn’t have to go to school when I was in school, because I was stuck on campus while everyone else looked like they were having fun. I wanted so much to be them.

Anyway, the other neat function of working weekends is the utter lack of co-workers. Nothing like working on your own and not worrying about a boss breathing down your neck all the time, or having to interact with people you would rather kick than look at, at times. Another cool part is the fact that I get to watch movies on my laptop while I’m working. Last weekend, I watched all of Vandread (Finally!), and this weekend it’s science-fiction. I finally broke down and bought DS9 sixth season and B5’s fourth season. I have a weird love affair with science-fiction television, though I’m sure some of you may argue that DS9 and whole Trek universe isn’t sci-fi, but get off my back, okay? I love what I love and this weekend is awesome. Now, before you ask, “How were you able to watch two seasons of two different shows in the matter of a twelve-hour shift? That’s 40 plus episodes.” I skipped a few here and there, mostly because either I get inundated with them on TV in reruns, or I thought the episode was lame. Or maybe there was an episode I love and I was too impatient to wait for it to come up. Whatever happened, I made it to the end!

I’ve been buying Giants tickets like crazy recently. I have some for a couple of weeks from now, and then I’m buying bleacher seats for the gang over at for our meetup this month. I’m hoping those meetups won’t be limited to just the one… I would love to do it once a month. Plus, now that I’ve gone with , I have a reason to get more tickets. Ballgames were just something to do, but if you’ve never gone with Tap, then you’ve never experienced Shakespeare the way it was meant to be played. I would have to say it’s a lot of fun to go to a ballgame with someone who shares the same passion, and in some cases, she sure blows the doors off of me when it comes to sheer baseball knowledge. It was a lot of fun, and an experience I would like to repeat as many times as possible. It’s not just amusing, but informative, and I learned many things in 2.5 hours. That’s not including the rest of the day we spent on the city. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time, and typically it usually happens when I go to a game with my father, who is as passionate about baseball, but doesn’t have time to pay attention to it while he’s working. I treasure my passions, especially my addiction to the game of baseball. When I was a kid, my dad used to take me to sporting events; football, basketball, baseball. He was a fan of the 49ers, the Spartans, and the Giants. For some reason, I took to baseball more than I did other sports; I don’t know why, really. Probably because I found in baseball a long and established history I could research and look over, learn about, and study. I love reading about the so-called Golden Age, and read about how teams moved from place to place. I found it incredibly fascinating and I would stay up nights reading books about teams and baseball; watch movies and television programs. After all that, I still missed out on that Ken Burns Baseball documentary (which I just bought at I digress…

It’s been exactly one month since and I broke up. Initially, it seemed rather bleak in the beginning, but though our relationship has changed, there are still aspects of it that persevere as they existed prior to the decision to elevate it to a higher level. We had been together for exactly one year, five months, and twenty-seven days, and in that time I got to know her for the special person that she is and will continue to be, however, there is a time when you have to let go and hope for the best, and hang on for dear life. This was one of those times where the former was necessary for me, and in a move than might be deemed selfish, I had to do what was best for me. In the end, I think that it will be the best move for the both of us, though she disagreed then, I think thirty days has opened her eyes.

My knee hurts like hell, still. It’s swollen for sure, now, and walking up and down stairs is rather painful. I’ve been trying to locate a knee brace of some kind, but when I get home, it’s usually too late to be able to go out and b buy one, and when I get up, I’m typically late for work so I have to rush out the door and head non-stop in to the NOC. I’ve been taking Advil for the pain while at work and that helps quite a bit. When it wears off, though, holy crap does it fucking hurt like a bitch. You know how sometimes the pain is so great that tears form involuntarily? Not through frustration but just the sheer pain of it? I think I’ve come close twice since I’ve been at work, but not quite enough to push me over the top and into a fit of crying. I know that doesn’t quite sound manly, but the sensation from bones grinding is not only painful, but makes me cringe to actually hear the bone crick! I just get a little queasy over it. I don’t have medical insurance, unfortunately, and I can’t afford a visit without assistance from some sort of work-covered medical plan. Until my knee heals up, I’m just going to have to bear with it.

JTAF seems to be chugging along bit by little bit. I spared some time tonight to go over some of the marketing and operational concerns voiced at the meeting today, though I understand the meeting was somewhat of a joke without me there with my agenda. Unfortunately, work comes first, and JTAF will have take a back seat to that. The big national campaign begins on the 3rd of this month, and it will include quite a bit of web marketing in the form of strategically placed web banners and advertisements at conventions across the country. Also, we’re getting some decent coverage from some of the local city papers closer in to September, like the Guardian, and putting our names on the community calendars of every TV and radio station thanks to the city’s Convention and Visitor’s Bureau. Press packets also go out next week, as well as the dealer’s packets (hopefully). I’m hoping to at least double last year’s turnout to the convention, which was 1,063 people. I would love to hit 2,500 but I’d be happy with 2,000. 🙂

A question was asked of me earlier, in relation to relationships and whether or not I would ever marry again. I won’t mention the name of the person because the substance of the conversation was intended for my eyes only, and such as it was, the subject without context would not violate that trust. It has mostly to do with my reaction than the information involved. Would I ever marry again? It really depends on who asks. And I say this because I’ve asked someone to marry me in the past, and it did not quite work out the way I thought it would. There’s a lot of fear in me about ever asking again, and that has mostly to do with what happened. Logically, I should not expect the same result twice, but that fear grips me pretty hard when I think about it. I remember saying that if I ever got married again, the woman would have to be the one to get down on one knee and ask, because I’ve already asked once and I think that’s all I have left in me. Besides, I think a little feminism is required in such matters, and I’d have no problem whatsoever with a woman leveling the playing field a bit and asking me. Of course, that would preclude dating and such. Ugh, dating. Is there any period in one’s romantic history more awkward than asking someone out on a date for the first time? I remember back in middle school how dumb I must have seemed to some of the girls I was interested in. Mostly because I lacked any kind of confidence in myself and my ability to charm the pants off of people. Apparently, according to some, I can be pretty damn charming when I want to be, but I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. Problem is, whenever I even think about flirting or trying to be something I’m not, I laugh so hard at how idiotic the whole thing seems. I would much rather befriend someone first, get to know them and then maybe, if perhaps both sides appeared interested, elevate the relationship as appropriate. I look at dates as two friends trying to get closer, not two strangers trying to rush through the first impressions. How in the blue fuck can two people sustain that kind of relationship if it’s based purely on aesthetics from the start? I love having friends, and I like being social. I think in the course of getting to know people, maybe I’ll attract the right person and if I’m lucky, that person is already a good friend and knows a great deal about me; enough to want to pursue something above friendship. That’s the kind of thing that sticks. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, but at least then the chances of keeping that friend remains much higher than if you didn’t have that basic relationship to begin with. I still have a friend in and in Abbie. Abbie’s one of the most intelligent people I know and I value her opinion on most everything, and she’s isn’t afraid to be straight-up with me about it. And she’s an ex-girlfriend and one of my very good friends. So breaking up doesn’t have to be about severing ties, but rather just reforming the relationship. I appear to have wandered off-topic, but eh, it’s my little space on the net. My point is that with my friends, I don’t have to be anything but myself with them. I’m not trying to play angles, and I’m not trying to get them into bed, or notice me or agree with me. A true level relationship is important to me from the start, to establish that both parties have a voice that’s listened to and respected. Without communication and respect, no relationship will last long beyond a joke at a party.

Related posts

1 comment

    • mrotakki on May 1, 2004 at 19:17

    I think, and this is wholly my experience only insofar as I am concerned, that my relationship with Jen has been and always will be a fairly level playing field. I took the initiative to show I was interested, but she was the one that decided to take it to the next level.

    It was then mutually decided after seven years of “dating” that it was probably a de facto occurance to be married.

    No other girlfriend I have had has ever worked out in that regard (obviously!). When I have initiated things and continued to pursue them, it inevitably failed – perhaps because I want the relationship to work and I therefore put on blinders to most everything else.

    Who knows?

    Anyways, my ha’penny.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

%d bloggers like this: