May 03 2002

Wakey Wakey! It’s Blah Day!

Blah.

What an interesting descriptor for a day, but’s officially Blah Day for me. What’s a Blah Day? It’s when you wake up all rummy and feeling in such a sate to just repeat grunts or the word ‘blah’ over and over again. Which is why I seem to be doing. Blah blah blah blah blahblahblah. BLAH! (Oh, I’m sure the spellchecker’ll have a field day with that sentence. It’s such an angry spellchecker…)

Last night, I had intended to go to sleep before midnight, but who the hell am I kidding? I’m a night owl, damnit. I love staying up all night and talking to a friend via Yahoo voice chat and watching her try not to feel too embarrassed when she flicks on her webcam. I had a lot of fun last night, so that definitely makes up for it. I just hope that today is a better day for that particular friend than yesterday was. To fully understand the nature of the whole breakup process, FurBall, it’s important to remember three little things:

1. You are entitled to cry, be angry, rant/rave, stomp around, be depressed, and feel whatever cavalcade of emotions that’re attached to this situation. Feel free to express yourself by any means necessary. Your friends will try and cheer you up, but it’s important to your healing that you get all the mourning out of the way. If you don’t, then you’ll regret it later.

2. You are not alone. You have a lot of friends over here who’re going to be around and try and help you through this. Don’t be afraid to talk, banter, or try and help yourself. No (wo)man is an island.

3. You are not DEAD. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. The strength you will gain from this will augment the strength that you already possess. So, learn from the situation and apply that knowledge toward the future.

Keep the above three points in mind, and you will get through this. It’s not going to happen tomorrow or maybe not even next week or next month, but eventually you’ll see the light at the end of this long and dark tunnel. We all walk at our own pace, so once you regain your stride, you’ll feel a lot better about this. Especially when you’re looking at this problem as it’s far behind you.

Anyway, enough of the counseling advice. You get the point.

On another topic, I was thinking about doing a live broadcast from work this weekend. It might help me to get over a state of blah by sharing the blah with everyone else. Depressed-Free WNOHGB, here are some more tunes… blah.

Crud. And now I think I’m coming down with a cold. Shit.

May 02 2002

Rantling: DDR status

I just wanted to post that I made 166 on max combo for Afronova. I tripped up on one pattern, but I’m near-perfect for the basic mode. Yay me!

May 02 2002

Rantling: RFW at a Lower Rate?

Well, I just got off the phone with work, to ask about the meeting and they said I could call in! Woo! Ain’t modern technology wonderful? Not to mention that I’m almost done downloading the rest of my mp3s from my work box, so that means I’ll have a heck of a lot more crap to play during live broadcasts. Of course now the question becomes, should I do live broadcasts at a lower rate so Smith doesn’t have to keep reconnecting, or should I keep it in stereo and just say “Fuck it?”

May 02 2002

DDR, Live Broadcasting, and You

Fun was to be had last night in a rather interesting state. I played four and a half hours of Dance Dance Revolution yesterday, which is good, because this morning, to try and augment this regimen I’m attempting, I did twenty-five curls and ten push-ups. Hey, everyone’s got to start somewhere, right? This means that my arms are now feeling a little closer to how my legs are feeling. This morning, though, my legs didn’t scream as badly as they did yesterday. I guess they’re starting to get used to the abuse.

Yesterday was my good friend Thomas’ pre-birthday. He and a couple of his friends came down from the City to sort of celebrate by dancing the night away over at that nickel arcade I’ve been frequenting this week so far. Along with Jody and his little sister Teri, we literally danced until Teri finally said she was tired. Which is amazing, because she’s never said that to me. Shit, I think I even tired her out, because I was still raring to go. But she had school in the morning, and so did I… I still wanted to play, even though my calves were starting to mewl again. Right now, my favorite song from 4th mix plus is Young Forever. It’s a good song, and challenging. Though, I did really well with Afronova last night. I got a max combo of 102, which is a personal best. Teri just sails through it, as does Jody. They’re both far better than I am. I need to hook up with Todd again sometime this week to take him over to Hi-5 and have him dance with me.

After I got home last night, I immediately made preparations for a live broadcast. When you do something really fun, you tend to have to come down from an endorphin high, which is exactly what I was feeling. In fact, it was almost so exhilarating that I got a no fear attitude and went headlong into a decision that turned out rather well in the end. Though, I’m now curious to see what happens. It might be a hopeless curiosity, but I’m optimistic. The live broadcast was fun, as usual, but I think I exhausted myself and my audience, because near the end, I felt kind of lame and I knew that my high was over and it was time to come on down back to Earth and sleep.

But sleep I did not do, as I settled in for another nice long conversation with someone. It lasted until near dawn, and so this meant that I could kiss classes goodbye this morning. That’s really okay, as I’m doing extra homework in Japanese to play catch up and I can sleep a little bit more. Truth be told, I slept right through my alarm, but I woke up to B’z, which is why the lyrics ended up previous to this ‘actual’ post.

What do I need to get done today? I have a meeting at work that I either need to be there physically for or call in to. I need to go play another hour of DDR. I need to eat my one meal. I need to drink 8 glasses of water. After that, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be hitting the head a lot. Finish my extra assignments for Japanese, and then get to be early because tomorrow is UBER day.

Tomorrow, I must get up for my 7am, make my weekly special guest appearance. Go to History and Japanese, then go to work until Saturday morning at 4am. Sleep is the order of the night tonight, for sure.

May 02 2002

More Lyrics: Beautiful Life and B’z!

Konya Tsuki no Mieru Oka ni (Tonight, On A Hill Where We Can See The Moon)

Tatoeba dou ni ka shite
Kimi no naka aa haitte itte
Sono me kara boku wo nozoitara
Ironna koto chotto wa wakaru ka mo

If I were somehow
Able to get inside you
And peek at myself from your eyes
I might be able to understand a few things

Ai sureba ai suru hodo kiri no naka mayoikonde

The more I love you, the more I get lost in the mist

Te wo tsunaidara itte miyou
Moeru you na tsuki no kagayaku oka ni
Mukae ni yuku kara soko ni ite yo
Kakera demo ii
Kimi no kimochi shiru made konya boku wa nenai yo

Let’s go there, holding hands
To a hill where the moon shines as if it’s burning
I’ll come back for you, so just wait there
I won’t sleep tonight
Until I understand how you feel, even if it’s just fragment

Itai koto kimochi ii koto
Sore wa minna hito sorezore de
Chotto shita chigai ni tsumazuite
Mata shitemo boku wa hade ni koronda

What hurts and what feels good
Is different from person to person
I stumble on a small difference
And again I’ve taken a huge fall

Kizu tsuite yatto wakaru sore demo ii osoku wa nai

In hurting you I finally understand, but it’s all right, it’s not too late

Te wo tsunaidara itte miyou
Ayashii hoshi no hisomu oka ni
Shigemi no oku e to susunde yukou
Kega shitemo ii
Hajikeru you na egao no mukougawa wo mitai yo

Let’s go there, holding hands
To a hill where the strange stars lie
Let’s go into the thicket
It doesn’t matter if we get hurt
I want to see the other side of that open smile

Te wo tsunaidara itte miyou
Manmaruri tsuki no kagayaku oka ni
Daremo ga minna terashidasarete
Kokoro no moyou ga sora ni utsutteru
Itsu demo sou yatte warattenaide
Kakera demo ii
Kimi no kimochi shiru made konya wa issho ni itai yo

Let’s go there, holding hands
To a hill where the full moon shines
It illuminates everyone
And the designs of our hearts are reflected in the sky
Don’t just laugh like always
I want to stay here with you tonight
Until I understand how you feel, even if it’s just fragment

May 01 2002

“One More Step, and I think My Kneecap is Going to Pop Off!”

I live on the second floor of a two-story house. My room faces west, so it gets pretty hot in the setting sun, and especially with the summer coming up, that’s becoming even more of a problem. Thankfully, there are now reflective drapes covering the window, so when the sun decides to try and bake me to a golden crisp, it will actually fail, because the sunlight and energy will reflect back out the damn windows. So far, it’s been working fairly well.

I went back for yet another day of Dance Dance Revolution. I’ve decided to set a little goal for myself with the game; I need to pass Afronova with a perfect on basic by the end of the month. I think it’s a doable goal, and plus, the song is just really difficult to pull off. Right now, I manage a C on the average, though today I managed a B rating. Afronova is a song that my friend Todd can blaze through with an A rating. Consider the fact that I introduced him to this game in the first place, he’s already passed me up. This is kind of embarrassing. I’ll get back on the horse. Yesterday, I played four games before my knees started to scream, and I had to walk it off. Today, I made it through six games before my knees started to scream, and my legs started in as well. My thighs and calves, and especially my shins. As I kept walking, though, my knees felt like they were going to pop the cap right off with each step, so I had to sort of shake it out. That’s what did back in high school. Got a pain? Shake it out! I kept walking until the pain subsided, after all, stopping will make it hurt even more later, so I limped to the car and back a few times to just let my muscles return to their previous state of not painful.

On the way home, I passed by a Subway and picked up a plain roast beef, with a little mustard on a wheat bun. I drank two glasses of water and then took a vitamin C tablet. I’m trying to boost the hell out of my immune system, since my boss at work comes to work sick, and doesn’t give much of a shit about getting the rest of us sick, as well.

Maybe I’ll do another live show tonight. Maybe…

sono SPEED de
Lyrics and Music by the brilliant green

Featured as the opening theme from the Japanese Television Drama, “Over Time”

doro darake no kutsu kettobashita
shimetta heya no naka
chiisana monogatari wo nakushita yoru mahou ni kakerareta
hitotsu no sonzai, hitori no tenshi watashi ni te wo futteita
kogoeta karada wo atatamete kureru
amai Chocolate
isoide Lamp wo fuki kesou
kagiri aru kono sekai ni mi wo yudanete
kagami no naka ni watashi ga iru

kanashimi no tsubasa wo korogaru hikari wa tsuki no hou e
kono mune wo utsushite hoshikuzu no you ni
chiribamete kowashite
sono Speed de

suru koto mo nakute yoru mo hiru mo
akubi shitari naitari shite
sore wa mou ikujinashi de
samugari no akuma ga mune ni sunderu
moshi kono mahou ga tokeru no nara
asa ni kaidan wo ichidan demo nobotte
te wo nobashi kaze wo kanji ametsubu wo kanji
kagami wo tataki waru noni
kokoro no niburanu uchi ni
sou kanashii koe wo kono koe wo nagetsuke
susumu hitasura ni iki wo shite
hikari no Speed de kimagure ni hoshi wo mezashite

*aojiroi namida wo tsukinami no kotoba de
kazatte ukabete
sono Speed de

yume no you ni
kimagure ni hoshi wo mezashite

Repeat *

sono Speed de

May 01 2002

The Book of Love, redefined…

This is from barbles’ LJ, which I read this morning and though it was a rather apt description. It’s nice to have these things defined for us from time to time. But it makes sense. Comment is most definitely invited, here. What do you think?

Dear College Students:
Several readers have requested that I reprint this piece, so here it is for all those who asked: Love or Infatuation?
Infatuation is fleeting desire–one set of glands calling to another. It is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about the relationship that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.
Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time. It is quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.
Infatuation says, “We must get married right away. I can’t risk losing him.” Love says, “Be patient. Don’t panic. Plan your future with confidence.”
Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together, you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship that makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers.
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he’s away, you wonder if he’s being unfaithful. Sometimes you check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy. Infatuaion might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.
Love is elevation. It lives you up. It makes you look up. It makes you better than you were before

Apr 30 2002

When I Close my Eyes, I see DDR Arrows Floating Up

After I got divorced, I had to find something to throw my pent-up anger at. I found Dance Dance Revolution USA at a Golfland and at the recently constructed Dave and Buster’s in Milpitas. I would play every day, and I noticed that since it’s a really active game, I started losing weight. Not a lot, but enough to make me notice that hey… I was a little thinner. Subtle, but still. It gave me hope. I could lose weight while doing something fun. And even though afterward my legs feel like jelly, I keep going back for more. Now recently I’ve only been going like once in a blue moon.

Taking Sylvian’s advice, since she’s a masochistic gymnast (mmm.. stretchy!), I went back to the arcade for an hour of DDR, following a rather frustrating hour at work. After school today, I had a meeting with my manager, and all I can say is that the result of it just left me feeling vague and ambiguous. I took on a new project, and I want to learn all that I can about it so that I can do a good job. The answers given me were just not specific enough. Suffice to say, it left me feeling kind of stupid and stressed. As for stress, I love stress, but not stress caused by stupidity. I love stress when there’s a problem that needs solving and my adrenal glands inject my brain with goodness to solve it. I love that rush.

Being blah and not-so-great about my job, I decided to go play more DDR. As it turns out, there’s a 4th mix plus machine really close to my house, so there I went. I flirted with the cute attendant and played to my heart’s content. Yes, L, I used that eye trick you taught me. Uh, it wasn’t well received. Then again, I was kind of sweaty and disgusting at the time, so I don’t blame her for looking at me as though I were something she scraped off her shoe. Yay me! Ugh.

I think an hour of DDR a day at 1pm sharp is a good way to unwind. I’m going to try and keep to that schedule.

In other news, I’m still trying to sort out my feelings from yesterday. Some new discoveries today have led to more fear, so whatever. I did make a new friend today, though. She’s someone who’s very cool and fun to talk to. She knows who she is, so she’ll make herself known when she’s ready.

Apr 30 2002

Rantling: Sore Muscles; Working Out

I don’t want to get off on a rantling, here, but why is it whenever I want to workout and lose weight, my muscles just pay the price in the morning? I was so sore waking up, and swinging my legs out of bed that they screamed in agony, and I very nearly joined in. This is going to make walking from class to class ultra difficult, not to mention that I go to Foothill College, and it is named so for a reason. Oh boy. When I get back from my meeting at work, I’ll post a little bit more. Until then, I’m popping two Aleve and downing a can of Big Red left over from the impromptu gather last night.

Apr 29 2002

You Love Me, You Really Really Love Me!

Update: My sister and her husband made up. Crisis averted.

I got everything I wanted to get accomplished today. I hooked up with my best friend, and we drove off to the Milpitas Golfland where we danced our hearts and limbs away for three and a half hours. Our knees were turned to jelly and we both ended up limping back to my car where we drove to my place and settled in for a lot of Final Fantasy X and movie watching.

In the middle of Final Fantasy X and watching movies, though, I had another unique opportunity to speak with a certain friend of mine who just seems to really brighten up the day for me. I wanted to put in writing real quick here that her company has been a real delight, and especially for putting up with me for hours on end just prattling on, too. Honto ni, doumo arigatou gozaimashita.

While I’m in a thankful mood, I want to also pass a warm thanks to my two biggest fans, you know who you are. Especially last night, when I had that dilemma that needed a sounding board. Talk about being a lifesaver. I’m very much obliged for that.

Last, but not least, the one person who I missed the most this weekend. Even though the time was really short, and all you did was gnaw on me and tell me how stupid I was being, it helped a great deal. So this, in a sense, is what I’m writing to you right now. I will speak to you soon.

That’s all I want to say for right now. I will be more thankful when I’ve had more sleep and I’m not feeling as though I’ve been passed through a big wringer. Oyasuminasai…