What the Hell was I fighting All these Years?

When I was much younger, sleep was like the worst thing that could happen to me. Mostly, I think, because I knew there were things going on in the house after I was forced to go to my room and close my eyes and sleep. I did not really want to miss out on anything that I might be remotely interested in, or at least the opportunity to engage myself in other endeavors while others slept. I think this is why working night shifts always appealed to me. I love staying up all night for the simple reason that everyone else is asleep and I get pursue anything I wish to pursue without interruption in the general sense. Of course, when you live with other nightowls, that’s not the case any longer.

Fast-forward from childhood to my junior year in high school. My parents were separated; leaving my father and I to live at the house my sisters and I grew up in, while my mother and youngest sister went to live with my grandmother. I recall Dad turning to me and telling me, “Son, you’re old enough to make your own decisions, now. What you do is your business, but just promise me you will graduate high school, and whatever else you do is up to you.” In short, what he was telling me was, he wasn’t going to be uberstrict with me anymore, and allowing me to go out and have fun. All he wanted from me was a high school diploma. Okay, this is pretty awesome, I remember thinking to myself. First thing I did that night was call up the only friend I had with a car, and we decided to drive until dawn. We picked a freeway and decided to see where it would end. So, next thing I know, we’re headed up US-101 to San Francisco. It was really a night to remember, though I won’t go into all the details about it. I just recall thinking how cool San Francisco was, because there literally was a lot of things to do and see there. A huge contrast coming from San Jose, and ever since, I’ve been in love with The City. But when we crossed the Golden Gate and hung out at the vista point on the north shore just south of Sausalito, that was when I really fell in love. It was just barely dawn, with the sunlight creeping up over the horizon and giving off light. All of The City’s lights were on still, and I just wished I had a camera with me so I could capture that moment. Ever since, it’s been my most favorite time of day to visit. To be honest, ever since, I’ve not gone up there at that time. I’ve tried, but lately, that vista point is closed for some reason…

I didn’t get back home until nearly six in the morning, having been out all night and not getting a wink of sleep. I slipped into bed, still not quite sure how far I could push it with my Dad, despite his assurances of non-interference. He was still my Dad, y’know? I was in bed fifteen minutes when he walked in to wake me up for school. With very little energy, I rode my bike and I fell asleep in biology. When I got home, I slept and didn’t wake up until the next morning, getting about 15 hours of sleep. What was I fighting? Sleep rules! Nowadays, I just can’t get enough sleep, even if I go to bed at a proper time. I’ll lie there for an hour or two, trying to force myself into unconsciousness, until the wee hours of the morning, when I’m realizing that if I go to sleep right now, I’ll only get six hours of sleep… five hours… four hours… three hours… then it turns into a nap before work. The next day, when I’m trying to find the drive to work on a personal project, I just don’t want to do it anymore, and it’s beginning to make my writing suffer. I need to figure out what to do, and how to do it before it gets any worse.

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