Everyone else is doing it, so I might as well jump off a bridge, too…


1. My poetry pen name is Robert April. My porn pen name is Robert April IV.
2. I can’t sleep without the TV or radio on at soft levels, or without a window open.
3. My godfather is a senior special agent with the FBI. My godmother is with the Department of Education. I haven’t seen either in over ten years, but I get letters and cards from them.
4. I am afraid of any insect with more than six legs.
5. I once did naked interpretive dance for my wife just to cheer her up.
6. My first novel was written in the fifth grade for a contest, and the main character was a panda who got lost in a big city.
7. I skipped the first grade.
8. I entered sixth grade at the age of ten.
9. When I am in love with someone, I will not say anything about it. I would rather let my actions speak for me. Of course, if the person is dense…
10. I think adapting maintstream movies for IMAX is a stupid idea.
11. I am agnostic and I place my faith in myself and those around me.
12. I don’t beleive in hate.
13. My maternal grandfather raised me for the first ten years of my life, and went into a fatal seizure while he was helping me with my homework.
14. I go see really awesome movies in the theaters multiple times, just to remember them on the big screen.
15. I get down on my knees and thank fate that is my friend; she reinstalled serious baseball fandom on my hard drive.
16. I once stole a die-cast model of the space shuttle when I was 8 and felt so guilty every time I played with it, that I buried it in the back yard of my home.
17. I started a SADD chapter in my high school.
18. I work holidays specifically to avoid having to spend time with my extended family. I miss the food, though.
19. I beleive that loving someone means ensuring their happiness, even if it means you don’t get to be with them.
20. I think the number four is a very unlucky number.
21. I want to move to Pacifica and live by the ocean for a while.
22. I’m attracted to women who smoke.
23. My first job was as a paperboy for the San Jose Mercury News. I had it for eight months before I quit, because waking up at 3am every morning killed me.
24. I type at 120 adjusted words per minute. I do not use home row, and it freaks people out to see someone typing that fast using the hunt-and-peck method.
25. I treasure any kind of media that moves me, whether it be a movie, a TV show, a book, or art.
26. I went to my senior prom with a dear friend, who was a junior in college, and I loved how she turned heads. I felt bad because she had a major crush on me, and I didn’t know about it until I graduated, and didn’t return her feelings.
27. Speaking of which, I was told by several people that I’m a big flirt, though I don’t do it consciously, and it used to make me self-conscious. I no longer care.
28. I dislike playing politics, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know how.
29. I don’t want children. Ever.
30. When I was thirteen, my father used to order Playboy TV from cable every other night and fall asleep watching it. I used to wake up in the middle of the night to watch it while he slept. My mother used to try to catch me, but I always faked like I was coming back from the bathroom. She would then go out into the living room and wake my father up to point out that it was on and I was watching. My father used to thank her for waking him up, because he almost missed it.
31. My sense of humor is something I treasure, and I thank my father for helping me develop it.
32. Even though my sense of humor can get me into some deep trouble.
33. I think I will die before I’m 30.
34. I have two best friends that have been so for more than a decade.
35. I’m a feminist, by the dictionary definition of the word.
36. My trivial and very obscure knowledge comes in handy more often than not.
37. I can’t wait for Major League Baseball to sign its first female player.
38. I’ve been studying Japanese for six years and I’m still not fluent. But I can ask someone where the bathroom is.
39. I would rather know a little about everything, than everything about one thing.
40. I still love my ex-wife.
41. My divorce taught me more about myself in 6 months than in 24 years.
42. with the exception of one, all of my ex-girlfriends and ex-wife have been bisexual.
43. Ocean’s Eleven is the only movie I drop everything and watch, no matter how far into it it is.
44. I wanted to join the Navy when I was 21, but I was too fat.
45. Instead, I have studied so much about Naval History, I made it my major in college.
46. I registered Libertarian because my wife told me to. I always voted Democratic, regardless.
47. I studied Spanish in high school just to eavesdrop on my parents’ arguing.
48. The One With All the Poker was the first Friends episode I ever watched.
49. One of my parents once put the business end of a hunting rifle in their mouth in front of me with the full intent to discharge it. They didn’t pull the trigger because I didn’t react.
50. I don’t drink because I tell people my stomach lining is too thin, when that hasn’t been true for quite some time, and I don’t drink because someone very close to me drank excessively, and it nearly killed them.
51. When my wife left me, all of my friends came to my house to make me dinner and cheer me up. I ended up cheering them up. But they still cooked me dinner.
52. One of my best friends, , used to be my boss. He was, and still is, the best boss a guy could ask for.
53. I think of my roommate Todd not just as one of my best friends, but like a twin brother. I think of as the older brother I never had.
54. I’m going to miss Todd terribly when he moves out.
55. Todd and I have a pact to split any lottery winnings 50-50 if it’s above a certain amount. So far, we’ve honored it.
56. When I was a senior in marching band, I tried out for drum major and lost to a sophomore.
57. From my mother, I received a sense of grammar, and a love of history and movies. When we get together, we never agree on movies, but we see eye to eye about history. When I write, she edits my work for grammatical errors. She doesn’t like it when I use foul language for dialogue.
58. I use to see a therapist in the eighth grade, because I had an anxiety attack. The therapist helped me figure out how to redirect stress and anxiety, and now many people describe me as too calm.
59. I subscribe to Playboy TV at the monthly rate. My father is proud, my mother disapproves.
60. I would rather write 100 things about someone else, to let them know there are 100 things about them I treasure.
61. During middle school, I was addicted to Nickelodeon and Nick at Night. My favorite shows were You Can’t Do That on Television, Double Dare, and The Donna Reed Show.
62. I used to record television programs on audio tape and listen to them as I slept. I once had all of the first season of TNG on audio.
63. I also used to record ballgames and do the same thing. I once had game five of the 89 NLCS on tape, and found it in a box three years ago. I don’t know where it is anymore.
64. I don’t like going to parties that I don’t host, because I feel like I have nothing to do.
65. I used to write 20,000 line BASIC programs on my Commodore VIC 20. I also coded an MLX reader in Assembly in the seventh grade. I have forgotten everything I learned about Assembly coding since then.
66. When others give me something to read that they have written, I critique it with sincere severity, in the hopes that they will return the favor.
67. I beleive the definition of a friend is someone who will advise and support you when you come to a decision. Anyone else is not your friend.
68. When I found out my wife was cheating on me, my first reaction was to laugh hysterically. I scared , who was working with me at the time, and he told me to go home.
69. On the way home, I almost drove my car into the center divide four times because I didn’t want to live anymore.
70. I never told my ex-wife about number 69, but we laughed about number 68.
71. I like meeting new people, because it gives me an opportunity to learn about them and try to see the world through their eyes.
72. I make New Year’s Resolutions on my birthday, not on January 1st.
73. I once promised myself I wouldn’t date anyone for a year. I lasted eleven months.
74. Aaron Sorkin redefined the way I look at politics.
75. My close friend and favorite ex, Abbie, will always have a special place in my heart for many reasons; one of which is that she introduced me to Sports Night, but more because she’s been the only girlfriend to get me.
76. I’m not afraid of death, but of being rendered brain-dead.
77. My two biggest fears about death are: Dying unremembered, and dying on a toilet.
78. I realize that the latter may actually prevent the former in number 77.
79. One of the points of my marriage breaking up was my inflexibility toward my wife’s sexuality. The irony is that I’m far more open to new ideas now than I was then.
80. I beleive true friends stab you in the front, as Oscar Wilde said.
81. My least favorite hair color is blonde.
82. When I was 12, I once argued 16th century British history with someone who had a master’s degree in history. I won the argument.
83. Three years before it happened, in a conversation with my wife about what would happen if we cheated on each other, I told her I would be absolutely inconsolable for a day or two and then I would take her back. When it did happen, I was 100% right.
84. I try to talk straight with people, because that throws them more than if I were to play the same word games everyone else plays.
85. Because of my radio show, I’ve watched more anime in the last five months than I have in the last two years.
86. I was once so addicted to Tetris, that when I closed my eyes at night, I saw blocks.
87. I think too many people confuse tact with word games.
88. I also think too many people override common sense with pride.
89. I once dreamt in text.
90. Were I to become an educator, I would be the eighth generation to do so in my family.
91. The only time I went to Hawai’i was with my wife and her family. I never wanted to leave.
92. Some time in the future, I would like to live somewhere other than California, to see what it’s like.
93. I have never been outside the United States, except when I was a baby, but I don’t remember it.
94. I nearly moved to Japan for a year in 2002.
95. When I first saw Jennifer Connelly in Seven Minutes in Heaven, I was eleven years old. I have had a major crush on her that’s lasted to this day.
96. My father used to let me drive his truck when I was six.
97. The first time I drove with my new license, I drove the wrong way down a one-way street with oncoming traffic. My father grabbed the wheel and told me to get out from behind it.
98. I use to read 30 webcomics a day. Today, I only read four: Something Positive, Queen of Wands, GU, and Sinfest.
99. When I was in the second grade, I wanted to be a bus driver when I grew up. My parents were very dismayed.
100. I really and truly do leave my heart in San Francisco.