I Want to Change the World (eventually) But Right Now, Just Fuck Off

The First Friends-Only Post. With good reason…

It’s been something of a shitty week so far. Though I will touch on the highlights, all I can I think about right now is just the complete lack of patience I feel right now. Lately, my temper has been flaring up, and I feel somewhat apathetic toward everyone and everything. All I want to do is sit and watch anime, and with the exception of a couple of choice people who don’t piss me off, I just want to be left alone right now.

I am officially declaring a full plate. I have so much shit to do, and so many other people seem to want to tap me for other things that I’m already feeling the burn of having to be both omniscient and omnipotent (that last merely in the sense of unlimited power/energy) just to get through the basic crap. It’s getting far too close to my birthday for me to have to jump through hoops.

Let’s start with the divorce thing. That still drives me batshit. Then work changes plans, causing something of an inconvenience in its attempt to be convenient to my life. In short, I was told about the changes in my work schedule and I had made certain adjustments based on that plan, and just this morning I was told that my schedule has been completely rewritten “to accommodate [me].” Ugh. Not that I don’t appreciate the consideration, but fucking shit… at least ask me first before deciding for me. What kills me the most is that I KNOW they were trying to be helpful and so how the hell can I get pissed with them over it? For the first time they actually gave a shit about my personal life, but as usual, the implementation sort of left much to be desired. Ah, gotta love that road to hell and all that…

Late late Monday night, I hurt my back and was laid up in bed in tear everytime I tried to get up. Or get something to drink, or try to go to the bathroom. I hate being an invalid because it frustrates the shit out of me. I fell asleep hoping that it would be better in the morning. It wasn’t as bad, but it still hurt and I couldn’t walk normally (ie: I had to sort of hunch over a little bit to keep the full weight off of my lower spine). People kept IMing me incessantly, not realizing that in order for me to talk back, I had to move over on the bed. I merely rolled over, said one word answers (for the most part), and then rolled back. Tuesday night, it was feeling lots better (after four Aleve tablets).

Then on Tuesday night, I lost net access for two days. My ISP blamed the problem on the inside wiring, so they wanted to send a tech out. I swear, if I weren’t already going to Japan at the end of the year, I would so be signing up for a year contract with one of the wireless services that didn’t give me all this fucking grief. All I ask for my $100 a month is a working connection. How difficult is that to do?

I’m tried. I’m going to sleep. I’ll wake up whenever I want, because I don’t have work until Friday night. The next person or thing to bug the shit out of me may die. I’ve left on Inu Yasha and Beautiful Life on repeat until I wake up.

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    • jilarson on June 12, 2002 at 23:31

    Two things:

    1) If you need anything done game wise, I’m here.

    2) Open your B-day present from me 🙂

    • barbles on June 13, 2002 at 12:39

    i <3 you if you need me, IM me or email me <3<3<3

    • jetblack on June 13, 2002 at 20:44

    Thanks, and I can’t open stuff until the 19th 😉

    — ZC

    • jetblack on June 13, 2002 at 20:45


    Sorry I wasn’t there to receive your IM. I’ll be around all weekend.

    — ZC

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